LINKS/RESOURCES
THIS PAGE IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!!! If you have some good information/advice to add, email me privately because I'd love to include a link or add it to this page for others to use. Throughout our journey, we learned an incredible amount from others and from our own experiences. My hope is that this page will serve as a resource for adoptive families -- especially those bringing home siblings and older kids. SHOPPING FOR ETHIOPIAN "STUFF" __________________________________________________ TRAVELING TIPS
Honestly, we're all about packing lightly, so you might not want my advice. Still, here are some tips. Search blogs for a couple different packing lists...I'll get them linked here one by one as I track them down again. Remember to consider the season and the age of your newbie. The 6th list is my favorite right now. 1 2 3 4 5 6 - Cross pack! Put a little bit of each person's clothes in each bag that you take. This way, if your luggage doesn't show up, you've got some clean undies! Make copies of your important documents and cross pack those too.
- Bring dryer sheets and little sink detergent packets. Put one dryer sheet in every bag to keep things smelling fresh! Pack several extras in a baggy and pull it out when necessary. You can rub a sheet on your clothes to get the just washed smell. Might be nice...since you'll be busy bonding and getting to know your kid/s...and who knows if you'll have access to laundry. And, if you don't have access to laundry, use your detergent so that you don't have to bring so many clothes. Once you wash, squeeze out the excess water and then roll the wet clothes up in a dry towel, more squeezing, unroll, and then hang to dry.
- Bring a zillion plastic bags -- different sizes from a sandwich bag to trash bag. I prefer the ones that zip. You'll find a ton of ways to use these on your trip. Whenever we travel, they keep everything organized and separated. Good for wet or stinky stuff!
- Make an airplane baggy for your kiddo/s with toys that you didn't bring out while staying in ET. This is a great way to make that long trip more tolerable. See the toy section below. Also, bring a book about airplanes. Read it a couple times during your stay in preparation for your trip home. We used Airport.
FOOD in ETHIOPIA
We brought a ton in an effort to avoid getting sick. Once we were packed, Aaron and I had a sandwich-sized baggy for each day we planned to be in country. This was way too much since we far preferred hot Ethiopian food over ours. Still, if Ethiopian food isn't your thing (you're crazy) then I suggest: tuna packets, nuts, several flavors of bars (ones that are okay even after being smashed), and powder drinks with fiber, protein, vitamins, etc. All of these are easy to pack and can easily fill you up.
For the kids, we brought cereal, natural fruit snacks, crackers, nuts, etc. I would try to bring things that are natural and low in sugar because it could be a shock to the system. Most likely, they will not be accustomed to processed, sugary foods. Our kiddos rejected any Ethiopian food until our last night, so we actually ran out of cereal and had to buy more. Now that adoptive families must travel twice, be sure to ask about your child's likes and dislikes. During our week in Addis, we put all of our food in a drawer so that the boys could look at it and hold it. They needed that; our oldest would check the drawer several times a day. I think it comforted him greatly to freely view the selection even if he wasn't hungry. He always had something stuffed in his pocket. Bring individually packaged food! Or lots of baggies! We cannot recommend Munchie Mugs enough! They are awesome and the boys still use them at least five times a week. We've only had one spill in five months. I really like that they are large enough for older toddlers...especially when you don't really want to limit foods in the first couple weeks. Yup, a little spendy, but made in the USA and, did I mention, AWESOME?! So great for our 30-hour plane trip! This is one of the few plastic items we let our kids use.
LANGUAGE: Before and After
Ethiopia is one of the most diverse countries I've ever read about and visited. There is an incredible number of ethinic groups and languages. Currently, a little under half of Ethiopians speak Amharic. It probably won't be your child's first language; however, it's likely that after a couple months in an orphange/transition home, Amharic will be the most useful way for you to communicate with your him or her. Consider purchasing Our First Amharic Words and taking it with you because there are pictures + words, which means it's useful to BOTH of you! Downloading websites and documents onto your computer can help reduce luggage weight and space. Plus, you don't need to depend on the hotel's unreliable wifi. We foundhttp://ethiopianadoptiontravelogue.wordpress.com/ to be especially helpful.
After you arrive home, obviously you can keep using all of the resources you used before, but here are some suggestions for helping your little one/s learn english:Books, cards, and workbooks! I put some of our favorites below in the tools to help with transition section. We haven't used sign language, but other families have and felt there was great value in it. Here's one that has been suggested by families on our agency listserv. We're not big TV watchers, but when we watch and discuss Sid the Science Kid, nature videos, or Leap Frog videos....they seem to pick up a ton of information. Just recently, I've started teaching the boys synonyms. We use them all of the time, but especially when they want something. Like if I cut a small piece of apple, before I give it to them, I'll ask them for two synonyms for small. Awesome...now my little one uses humongous instead of big ALL of the time. - More to come...
ENTERTAINING TODDLERS - PRESCHOOLERS
We were given a ton of great ideas from other families...below you'll find a list of items that we took for the boys. If it's CAPITALIZED, then it was a hit with the boys. If it's normal text, it was a neutral item--glad we brought it, but could have survived without it. The red items are things our boys did not like. And surprise! The items our boys weren't big on...well, they were the ones that were fairly easy to pack. I'd probably bring them if I was going again.
BACKPACK - BALLOONS w/attached rubberband - BEACH BALLS - bouncy balls - books - BUBBLES - CAMERA (old) - CARS (variety) - coloring activities - children's dvds - etch-a-sketch - lacing activities - FLASHING BALLS - magnetic doodler - marbles - mini parachute - PHONES - PHOTO ALBUM - playdough - puzzles - REMOTE (counts/music/language) - SPINNING LIGHT GLOBE - SQUISHY BALL (with tentacles) - sticky hands - stickers - stuffed animals - wiki sticks
There are a ton of different suggestions for effectively transitioning your kid/s once arriving home. Aaron and I have a pretty large bedroom, so we created a small living area in one corner of our room. We bought a couch that converts into a bed and then separated it into two different sleeping areas with big pillows. When we came home, we immediately created a bedroom routine which included us cuddling with the boys until they fell asleep. Well, that didn't work. It was taking hours. Then the boys would wake up crying and freaked out in the wee hours of the morning. Nobody was doing well. It felt as though our presence was too much stimulation and actually keeping them from falling asleep.
So, I decided to trust my gut and make some alterations. We still did the whole routine but didn't cuddle with them as they feel asleep. Instead, we sang our two songs, gave kisses, and then one of us would go lie down in our bed just a couple feet away -- where we could just rest or use our iPod to catch up on email, watch tv, surf the web...whatever. Worked like magic! Then we compensated for the lost cuddling (usually in the morning).
For naps, the boys slept in their own rooms so that they had time without the sibling (important thing to try to do when you can) and so that they would slowly get used to sleeping in their rooms in short spurts. Our little one often napped in a carrier, but soon wanted to sleep in his own bed like his big bro. After being home for a couple months, we transitioned them into their rooms for night too! First night was a little tough -- had to lie on the floor next to the crib for a while, but we haven't had a problem since. We have told the boys that if they're scared, they can come cuddle with us...happens occasionally...not a big deal.
The whole hair thing can be intimidating, but once you find the product that works best for your kiddo/s, it all falls into place. Remember that you do not need to use shampoo very often -- we shampoo about once every 8 days or so.
We have tried countless products and have found that Alaffia products and Beautiful Curls, (made by the same Washington company whose founder was born and raised in Togo) is the BEST for our boys. It is NOT cheap, but our family is doing our best to support products that turn a profit without taking advantage of other people and the environment. So, we love that our curly-headed boys benefit from these great products that are fair trade and environmentally sustainable. Additionally, this company works alongside local African communities to increase access to education and health care for women. We use the following products:
-Curl Activating Shea Butter Leave-in Conditioner
Our oldest prefers his hair short, so we buzz it. Our little one has beautiful curls...just wet, massage in the lotion or conditioner, use a wide-toothed pick or fingers to take care of (and prevent) any tangles, and then I twirl chunks of hair around my fingers to pull in those rebel hairs.
New favorite for dry skin: Shea Moisture's Raw Organic Shea Chamomile & Argan Oil Baby Healing Lotion with Frankincense and Myrrh. No junk! Love it! Don't love the scent, but I'm going to check out some other scents because it's the best lotion/oil we've tried on the boys. I think it's sold exclusively at Target right now OR online at: www.sheamoisture.com and amazon.
I'll post resources, but as this page is in process, my suggestion is to read and listen to everything that you can get your hands on. Pray like crazy for your little one/s to adjust, attach, and bond. Talk with your family about boundaries and give them some type of written explanation for future reference. For us, we feel it was smart for us to strictly limit our interaction with ALL people and stay home. After about three weeks, we went out for dinner because we were dying and crazy. After that, we still limited stimulating situations and slowly began to allow others to visit with us. Families have different needs...just pay attention to your adopted child's behaviors. You'll never regret cocooning too long only the opposite. If you cocooned longer than your needed...no biggie. If you cut it short...well, there may be serious issues popping up later...not worth the risk in my opinion. Just do your best and when you're starting to feel insane, adjust! Get creative. Like go to the playground at 8 a.m. :)
TOOLS TO EASE THE TRANSITIONBooks have been so helpful in opening the door to discussions that need to take place. And, as with all kids, books are invaluable in creating a robust vocabulary. We have a ton of books; the following is a sample of some of our favorites. They've made this list because the boys use them often, they help with discussing important issues (with limited language skills), or they make the whole issue of adoption accessible to little ones. - Children Just Like Me is what I often see our older one looking through when I walk into his room. He's fascinated by all the pictures. It highlights kids from all around the world and gives the reader a glimpse into each child's family, education, home, recreational choices, etc.
- Ethiopia: Enchantment of the World
- Ethiopia: A Question and Answer Book is meant for kids, it's a good one to read through for basic information. Sets a great foundation that will help you decipher areas in which you would like to continue more complicated research.
- A Family From Ethiopia is another favorite of the boys. The pictures have helped our older one explain some things about his past. Like #3, it's a good starter resource.
- My Family, My Journey is, unfortunately, one of the only "baby books" for adoptive families that isn't cheesy looking. We bought one for each boy...it's a basic tool to help guide the process of making a lifebooks. We also purchased Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child.
- It's Okay To Be Different doesn't directly address adoptive issues, but it has a really great message that's fun to read. It's applicable for so many reasons...for all kids. Also opens the door to discuss how to treat others.
- The Skin You Live In is awesome! Research shows that it's important to talk about skin color...being "color blind" does not help your kids process racial and cultural issues. Talk about skin!
- Here's a Little Poem is beautiful! I never would have bought this on my own -- we received it as a gift and I'm so glad! The boys LOVE going through this book and looking at the pictures. It provides a ton of vocabulary practice. They also use the pictures to tell their own stories.
Besides books, cards like these are often helpful. The boys sometimes go through them with one another or alone. We had several types of sets. Some have questions on them like these. Visual tools like these have been so helpful to us -- not only in learning, but on the go. The boys look through them on car rides, in church, etc. It's funny to listen to them question one another...often trying to sound like mommy or daddy.
Play dough, painting, drawing, building, and making music are all valued big time in the Smith household. To my knowledge, they haven't seemed to be therapeutic like the books say, but I know they will be once the boys start doing a little more processing. In any case, we're committed to providing the kids with lots of ways to be creative, expressive, and curious.
FINALIZING YOUR ADOPTION
You know what I love about adoptive families? Well, actually, there are about a million things, but one of the best characteristics is this overwhelming bond we share. We're all in it together! Finalizing your adoption is a bit of a headache. Especially if you don't feel like shelling out the bucks for a lawyer. I can't tell you how many hours I spent researching, calling, being transferred, etc. Not fun. Thankfully, one of the families from our agency created this site to help families (especially helpful for WA state families) through the process.
This is really helpful! Thank you for emailing me the link!
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